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Dear God, what have you done: J.R. Smith’s Reckless Behavior Destroys Earth
“Dear god, what have I done? I was just having some fun, how did it get to this point?” a confused, soot covered J.R. Smith said into the void that used to be civilization. “Hello?!” he shouted into...
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Knicks Wear Wedding Dresses To Game 6
The New York Knicks have all decided to wear wedding dresses before their big Game 6 showdown in Boston tonight. On Wednesday, The Knicks stirred Major controversy when they decided as a team to dress...
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World’s Most Exclusive Golf Club Finally Admits Someone Not Named “Brad Nelson”
After decades of inclusive practices that cut off the club from the outside world, Brad Nelson Country Club has finally opened it’s doors to someone not named Brad Nelson. “Times change,” club...
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Future Archeologists Uncover Lost Civilization Of San Antonio
Texas, 2560 A.D. – Future archeologists have uncovered the previously unknown rich winning tradition of an ancient basketball civilization called “San Antonio.” “We had no idea they won this many...
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Charles Ramsey Finds Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Jamario Moon, Daniel Gibson In...
Cleveland, OH – In a stunning turn of events, local hero Charles Ramsey has uncovered three players from the 2009-2010 season living in the basement of Quicken Loans Arena. “When he told me Zydrunas...
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Dolphins Plan To Host 2016 Super Bowl In Parking Lot Of Jimmy Buffet’s...
After failing to receive public financing to remodel Sun Life Stadium, the Miami Dolphins have issued a statement to the NFL offering to host the 2016 Super Bowl in the parking lot of a Jimmy...
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J.R. Smith Recreates Jordan’s Flu Game By Battling 102º Fever, Getting 6...
In a showing reminiscent of Michael Jordan’s famous “flu game,” where he scored 50-points while vomitting on the bench, J.R. Smith managed to get the numbers of six women at a roofdeck party despite a...
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Roses Are Reds: The Poetry Of Pete Rose
Roses are Reds Vida’s are Blue Sugar is sweet So that’s how I know this isn’t the cocaine I ordered Baseballs have laces So do my shoes They called me Charlie Hustle Funny, because I was molested by a...
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Small Market Teams Dominate As NBA Goes Straight Down The Fucking Tube
Downtown Memphis during rush hour After losing Chicago, Los Angeles, and New York in the 2013 playoffs — the National Basketball Association has closed it doors citing lack of revenue. “It pains me to...
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Alex Rodriguez Nabbed In Illegal Underground Penis Fighting Ring
New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez has been arrested in connection with an illegal underground penis fighting circuit, accused of abusing hundreds of penises. Located behind a derelict grocery...
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Kickz Of The Week: Strength Shoes by HOOPSKILLS
Are your legs always fresh and ready to go? Do you have a son you hate the living fuck out of? Like to fall down? Finally, a shoe for you/Geoff! With Strength Shoes, those powerhouses you rely on to...
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The Internet Reacts As David Beckham Retires From Soccer Sex Tape Posh Spice...
After a storied 20-year career, with stops in Madrid, Manchester, Los Angeles, Milan, and Paris, David Beckham has decided to hang up his cleats once and for all. “Suicide Naked Photos of David...
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The 8 Rejected MLS Expansion Franchises
With the news that Manchester City owner Sheik Mansour bin Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan of Abu Dhabi and the New York Yankees will start a new MLS Club called New York City FC, we’ve compiled a list of...
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Top Al Queda Members Awkwardly Explode After Getting On CIA’s Drone Kiss Cam
Waziristan — Smile, you’re on the Kiss Cam! These goofballs, targeted because of their wonton disregard for human life, we’re hung out to dry when the CIA went ahead and threw them up on the...
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Barry Melrose Gets Caught With Hand In Cookie Jar, If You Know What I Mean…
ESPN NHL analyst and musk connoisseur Barry Melrose was caught the other day with his hand in the cookie jar, if you know what I mean… The former Toronto Maple Leaf-turned-head-coach reportedly snuck...
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Top 10 Best Nicknames In Sports History (And How They Got Them)
Sometimes a birth name doesn’t do a player justice. Take David Justice, for example. His name could never encapsulate the mystique of his World Series heroics/penchant for domestic violence. Nicknames...
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This Day In History: Bear Bryant And Lane Kiffin Start First “Lane Bryant”
Nearly 20 years ago today, Hall of Fame Alabama coach Bear Bryant and USC’s Lane Kiffin opened their first (of many) plus-sized women’s clothing stores, Lane Bryant. “It was high time someone got real...
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“Sports” Wins Best Distraction Of The Year
Upsetting “Masturbation”, “Drugs”, and “Overeating” for the 2nd year in a row, “Sports” has been crowned the best distraction from our actual problems for 2013. Citing it’s near constant presence on...
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Top 10 Ways To Euthanize Your Pathetic Loser Racehorse
Did your racehorse not win the Kentucky Derby? How about Belmont? Not looking forward to trotting out the 2-year-old to the Preakness? Angry? Spiteful? We hear you. Here are the Top 10 Ways To...
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Time Tebow Returns From 5027 To Stop 2013 NFL Draft From Ever Happening
April 27th, 2013 AD — Inter-dimensional vigilante Chrono-Cop, Time Tebow, traveled back from the year 5027 to prevent the 2013 NFL Draft from ever happening, this Saturday. “They thought they could...
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