J.R. Smith Recreates Jordan’s Flu Game By Battling 102º Fever, Getting 6 Women’s Phone Numbers At Roofdeck Party

In a showing reminiscent of Michael Jordan’s famous “flu game,” where he scored 50-points while vomitting on the bench, J.R. Smith managed to get the numbers of six women at a roofdeck party despite a 102 degree fever. “I knew I had to get out there and get it done,” Smith told reporters in front of a Halaal Cart in the West Village. “They pumped me full of fluids, tried to flush the thing so that I could help out my teammates,” he said in between bites of Gyro.

“And by teammates I mean my cock and balls.”

J.R., who had been ice-cold with women this week, miraculously managed to turn things around in the face of debilitating illness. “It was bad, I thought I might die,” he said with a mouth full of Shwarma. “But, you know, roofdeck parties, it’s Spring,” he continued.

“Nothing was gonna keep me from getting out there and making an impact.”

The Sixth-Man-Of -The-Year Award winner was considered a pregame-time decision by friend and cohort DJ Jimmy Jazz. “He looked like shit, but once that sweet sweet Patron hit his dumb fuckin lips, he sprang up like a man possessed,” Jazz said. “No, like literally, he was fully erect within seconds of taking a sip of tequila and started screaming,” he added.

Intially, Smith seemed tenative. “I was kind of worried I was gonna cough on whoever I talked to,” he told Dick Buttkiss Sports. “Then I just thought, dude, you’re J.R. Smith, if you coughed on these women it’d be the most memorable moment of their life.”

After getting a caterer’s telephone number at the event’s winebar, Smith began to show signs of life. “Once you get out there, it’s just instinct,” he said. “Then this big girl came over and just started talking to me about hairspray and Saturday Night Fever while I was standing up, napping,” he added. “She was nice — I must have looked like shit.”

“I was wearing my Edna Turnblad costume,” John Travolta said in an email. “J.R. never saw Hairspray, so we made a date to watch it together,” he added. “Hopefully he won’t mind that I’m actually John Travolta and not an ugly fat woman that just looks like John Travolta.”

Smith kicked it into high gear later in the night, when he met three NYU Juniors while puking into a flower pot behind the DJ booth. “It’s my dad’s place so I don’t give a fuck,” one of the girls texted Dick Buttkiss Sports. These late additions brought his total to five. “Can’t believe I bumped into Rihanna at the end of the night, but I’m so glad I did because I lost her number a month ago when I dropped my phone in a toilet at The Gansvoort Hotel,” J.R. said. “This really was one for the ages.”