World’s Most Exclusive Golf Club Finally Admits Someone Not Named “Brad Nelson”

After decades of inclusive practices that cut off the club from the outside world, Brad Nelson Country Club has finally opened it’s doors to someone not named Brad Nelson. “Times change,” club president Brad Nelson told Sports Illustrated. “We came to the conclusion that allowing other people, of different sur and given names to play our wonderful, challenging course, was the right thing to do.”

The reclusive club, which has been widely considered the most exclusive golf club in the world, recently came under fire when they turned down a membership inquiry from a man named Bradley Nelson. “Technically, I could’ve just called myself Brad,” Nelson said. “But this was about something bigger. About dignity. About freedom and equality,” the 62 year old white CEO told The Robb Report. “Lord knows they’d have kicked me out for discussing this with the “Robb” Report.”

Located somewhere south of Washington D.C. but north of Mrtyle Beach, Brad Nelson Country Club has operated as the single most discerning body on the face of the Earth for 87 years. Founded in 1926 by renowned skyscraper architect, Bran Nelson, the club has turned down everyone from President’s, to golf legends, to people named Brad Nelson who also have middle names that they don’t even use.

“We’ll find out if you’ve ever had a nickname,” membership board of directors President, Brad Nelson, told Dick Buttkiss Sports. Despite having a very small pool of people allowed to join, the club has managed to stay alive, due to their exorbitant fees and slave labor. “Even they’re named Brad Nelson,” he added.

The more inclusive move is thought to be a step towards eventually accepting members with alternate spellings.

“We recognize that, nowadays, people use the letter -y rather frequently,” real estate mogul and lifetime member, Brad Nelson, told reporters. “But don’t think that we’re breaking 87 years of tradition by letting in some Brians or, God forbid, Neilsons.”

“Or orientals for that matter,” he added.

The 36-hole tour caliber course has been played 17 times since it’s inception. Golf course management experts speculate that this is due to the sheer likelihood that someone is named Brad Nelson, rich enough to afford $675,000 yearly membership cost, and capable/interested in playing golf. “The odds aren’t great.”